Chuck's Chilidogs - (Im)possibilities

[Jammerlee]

He looked like a tourist. The wide-eyed way he'd awe at his surroundings, the timid way he'd wander through the crowds that passed him. He looked lost, though he knew where he was. He looked scared, and it was true his normal facade of confidence had fled. It was the first time he had ever walked the public streets without the comforting concealment of his coat, and with the uncomfortable and foreign chill of the breeze in his fur, he felt very, very exposed.

Merce found himself simulating a deep breath as he inwardly tried to calm himself. It was alright. His newly acquired android form was flawless. There no people running or screaming, no riots starting and no one rushing out to stop him... He did, however, notice the occasional stares of people from the corner of his eyes, and it made him incredibly uncomfortable. Did they know? Could they tell? Or was it simply because of his striking resemblance to...

He shook his head, his nose wrinkling. He should have known this would be how Eggman would design him. It wasn't as though he wasn't grateful for the surprising gesture, but, well... he looked like Sonic. Always like Sonic. It seemed to be his inescapable fate...

He noticed the destination he'd idly been wandering toward come into view, and with an uncertain frown made his way toward it. The scent of chili hit his nostrils, though he wasn't able to recognize it as such, as he made his way toward one of the stand's barstools. If anyone was going to recognize his disguise it would surely be someone there, which therefore made it the best place to test it...

Hopefully it would all turn out okay.


Fortunately for the uneasy android, it wouldn't take long for someone recognisable to come his way.

A young fox was already there, obscured inside the chili dog's complex. It was an unusual visit for him, as he was there for maintinence on his pet project: An unassuming, conventional toaster, which he had transformed into a deadly laser canon. It was unusual for him to tinker at the chili stand, as he well had enough room and tools to addle with it at his workshop back in Mystic Ruins. The bi-tailed fox had felt that it was a nice enough day to take a relaxing sojourn to the city and soak in the sights and sounds of people. Sure, it made him a bit nervous, but Mystic Ruins was rather devoid of people, beyond the unseen Big the Cat, who Tails hadn't seen in a long time, and a few other residents who he didn't know that well.

Currently, Tails was downstairs, shuffling through the various tools he had brought along for the excursion, his prized toaster being cradled in one arm. Eventually settling on a magnet, a screwdriver, and couple other small tools, the kit stood up and happily made his way upstairs to the stand. After all, on a day like this, why spend time cooped up in someone else's place?

And that's when Tails noticed there was a certain customer at the stands.

"Hi, ...." The fox began enthusiastically, thinking at first that Sonic had come to pay a quick visit, but he trailed off quickly, his keen eyes noticing some features on this blue hedgehog that made Tails realize that he was, in fact, not Sonic. He felt a tiny knot begin to form in his stomach. He hadn't really planned on talking to any customers that might have stopped by, and now he just eagerly greeted one, likeness to Sonic or no.

Becoming slightly more shy, Tails walked a little ways away from where the hedgehog was, and set his tools and beloved toaster on the counter.


@sechuck@ Right about then, an older hedgehog with greying fur appeared as well, toting a rather sizable sack of frozen fries on one shoulder. Taking note of the stranger sitting nearby as well, Uncle Chuck smirked at the twin-tailed fox. "If you're going to start running the counter for me, I'm going to start making you wear a waitress uniform."


The hedgehog who, let's face it, looked as though he may as well as been Sonic's twin brother, visibly jumped in his seat. His ruby eyes quickly placed himself upon the young fox, and upon realizing who it was, he seemed to... cringe slightly.

"... Greetings." Merce said apprehensively, eyeing Tails with an expression that played somewhere between annoyed and wary. Even his voice seemed to resemble the famous hero he was modeled from, albeit slightly deeper.


Embarrassed by the elder hedgehog's comment or not, Tails couldn't help but smirk and shoot out a quick retort.

"And then you'll have to start paying me minimal wage." The fox kit chuckled, trying to ignore the customer and the embarrassment that came with it. Unsurprisingly, it was proving to be difficult for the kitsune, and he kept sparing quick looks to the newcomer.

Even his voice sounded similar to Sonic's, Tails marveled. But the fox wisely kept his thoughts to himself as he focused on opening up his toaster, grabbing the small magnet and running it along the underside of the appliance until he heard a satisfyingly loud click. Gently setting the toaster down, the fox grabbed the frame and easily slid it off, revealing the innards of his creation. As he set the frame down, Tails once again found his eyes trailing back to the stranger, to see what he was doing. He just couldn't help it- recent exposure to a whole slew of events had in fact made him more curious than afraid around others, if not less shy.


@sechuck@ "Minimum wage?" Chuck echoed over the sudden hiss of frozen fries meeting boiling lard. "I pay you a CEO's salary for doing nothing just by loaning you supplies!"

Finally giving the kit a break, Chuckles the Smirkhog made his way to the counter and came to a rest opposite his customer. "Hey there, newcomer! They say it's always nice to see a familiar face, but personally, I prefer the rest of the person to match as well." The geriatric guffawed for a moment at his own joke. And if the two boys didn't as well, they clearly had no sense of humor.


That kit kept staring at him. Merce frowned in discomfort and looked away, setting his hands down into his lap. He was beginning to wonder now if this had really been such a good idea after all.

Then he flinched again when Chuck greeted him. The android blinked, staring at the elder hedgehog with an obvious look of confusion. "I beg your pardon?"


Tails stuck his tongue out at Chuck playfully before it dissolved into a toothy grin. The 'ol hedgehog had a point, he borrowed quite a lot of things from Chuck if the kit didn't have it himself. It saved on expenses, or, at the worst, being forced to rifle through scrapyards.

Seeing the hedgehog had turned away from him, Tails continued work on the toaster until he heard the jokester's next line. The fox snorted loudly, then quickly laid his head into his arms to hide the silly grin that had come onto his face. The kit convulsed as he desperately tried to hide his snickering. He had seen some of Sonic's wannabes dress up as the heroic hedgehog, but he never saw things like the wrong color eyes. And the hairstyle was way off too. The hedgehog's response only made it even more hilarious to Tails, though he was to busy hiding his face to see the confused look etched on the stranger's face.


@sechuck@ "So, what'll it be?" Chuck asked next, apparently either ignoring Merce's confusion or, er, reveling in it. "I've got a special going on right now on calf brains. Very tender, that. Or at least until I deep fry it." Twisting his whiskers betwixt his left index finger and thumb, the hedgehog smirked and added, "Or should I just assume you'd like a chili dog?"


The false hedgehog blinked at the sudden change in topic. Oh. He was talking about food.

...

The android had never eaten before. One of the features that came with this new form actually was the ability to eat and drink - all part of being able to blend - but he had no prior experience with food. And, quite frankly, he found the idea of himself consuming food to be quite bizarre.

But there was one thing he knew, and knowing this made his decision easy - Sonic liked chilidogs. A lot. And anything Sonic liked he despised. So what if he looked like him? He sure wasn't going to behave like him!

"I will take the calf brains." Merce declared. Did I mention his face was completely straight?


Meanwhile, the fox had momentarily abandoned his work to watch the forming exchange with amusement. His canines were showing through his bemused smile as he examined this new guy further. Either this hedgehog had an excellent grasp on Uncle Chuck's sense of humor (which confused Tails, as his surrogate uncle had just stated earlier that he had never seen this hedgehog before either), or...

Or, this guy was the most clueless schmuck this side of South Island.

... Of course, the fox wouldn't mind having some baby bovine brains himself.


@sechuck@ It was a rare moment, indeed: Chuck was actually caught completely off-guard. He would've expected one of his regulars to attempt taking him up on the offer, but a newbie? Quite peculiar...

Of course, Charles was never one to back down from a challenge. After a moment or two of silent eyebrow quirking, the hedgehog smiled his most pleasant smile and nodded. "Right away, sir!"

Uncle Chuck scampered into the bowels of his restaurant, searching high and low, here and there, but nothing really seemed very... fitting. Rubbing his chin and pondering, the hedgehog was struck with another idea, and hoofed it up the back staircase to his home. Entryway, living room, kitchen, on his knees in front of the fridge... At this rate he'd need Knuckles' hat and an Indiana Jones whip.

There in the back, under the cottage cheese and behind the leftover meatloaf, was... ... Okay he really didn't know what it was. All he knew was that it had probably died some time ago, and it was almost certainly not that colour when he'd bought it. Tentatively pulling the tupperware-encased item from the shelf, Chuck peeled back a single corner of the lid, intending to get a test whiff, but in fact the overpowering stench rushed in and smacked him square in the face first. Reeling slightly from the odor, Uncle Chuck gagged and resealed the beast, closed the fridge, and made his way back to the restaurant.

Whereupon he set the plastic container on the counter in front of Merce. "Would you like a drink with that?"


While the elder was gone Merce couldn't help but notice Tails was still watching at him, now with the addition of a grin plastered over his face. He felt uncomfortable to begin with, but it certainly didn't help matters that the android was still angry, to put it lightly, over the events of that trial and the kit's role in it. Feeling his quills bristling slightly he returned a disgruntled glare. "What are you staring at?"

Really, really beginning to question if this had been a good idea now.

And it was at that point Chuck returned and presented his, erm, delicacy. Merce gave it a skeptical and apprehensive look which, to his onlookers, probably seemed in response to the old jokster's tomfoolery.

In reality it was the fact they were expecting him to eat anything at all.

...

It was just weird.

Knitting his brow together he looked up at Chuck and pondered over that question thoughtfully. Would it seem weird if he didn't order one? Probably. He noticed organics often seemed to have a drink with their food. Now... what to ask for? He never really paid much attention to the sorts of beverages organics drank. And even if he did he had no way of knowing which to even begin considering.

Oh wait. What was it Bogert had said he could drink when he was using that shell? Right. Let's go with that.

"Do you have water?"


Disheartened by the glare and nasty attitude, Tails flattened his ears and turned away, covering himself with his namesakes.

"Nothing." he mumbled. He did turn back once to look at what Chuck had dug up, and even the sight of the plastic container made his stomach turn. Just where had that come from? The fox began to debate whether to warn off the stranger from the mystery meat Chuck had obviously gotten from the bowels of Hell, or let the jerk get his just desserts.


@sechuck@ Chuck clenched his jaw to keep any giggles from escaping. One thing was for sure, this kid sure had a set of brass ones to actually attempt eating that... whatever it was. For all he knew it could've once been anything from chicken liver to marble cake. Whatever it used to be, it was definitely something else now.

In any case, the elderhog nodded and snatched a cup on his way to the fountain machine, allowing a few stray chuckles to escape while the glass filled. All he could hope was that his security cameras were in good working order, because this could quite possibly be the best round of n00b torture ever.

The cup soon hit the counter with a decisive thunk. Unwrapping a straw to go with it, Uncle Chuck's evil grin snaked its way out from under his mustache. "Bon apetite~"


And the android found himself staring down the container of what he honestly believed to be calf brains. Of course, it goes without saying that it never even occurred to him that such a thing wasn't considered a common delicacy around here, and that most people would find the thought of it quite stomach churning. But then, he never considered the old coot could have been playing him for a fool either.

Now how did organics do this? Carefully he popped the lid off, and immediately his nose wrinkled as the foul odor attacked his artificial senses. It didn't even smell close to the other aromas he had noted around the eatery. Staring down the contents he noted its fluffy green texture, and as he took a fork and fumbled for the correct position in his talon, he poked at it... realizing that beneath the layer of fuzz it seemed... rather gooey.

...

Well, here goes nothing. Steeling himself, he awkwardly wound some of the spoiled contents up onto the plastic utensil, raised it to his waiting maw, and closed his jaws around it carefully. He allowed a moment for the foreign flavor to permeate his synthetic taste buds.

... It was a good thing he didn't have a gag reflex.


Tails nearly had to empty his stomach contents from the malodoriousness of whatever was in that container. But that apparrently wasn't the end of the nauseating seige. Unable to take his eyes away from the disgusting scene, Tails watched as this foolhardy... fool not only decide to not complain, but actually pick up his fork as if he were actually going to eat it.

And to the fox's horror and amazement (mostly horror), he watched the hedgehog eat the disgusting hunk of organic mush. His face was one of a freshly broken mind, and the twin-tailed vulpine could almost feel his brain matter beginning to leak out of his ears. Finally, his stomach and imagination could take no more, and the kit bolted inside the eatery to purge himself of everything he had just witnessed, his abandoned tools clattering loudly and carelessly on the bar. It was clear from the green that had shown through his fur and the loud retching now coming from inside that Tails wasn't going to come out for a couple of minutes or more.


@sechuck@ "Whoa, whoa, WHOA son!!" the hedgehog suddenly cried out when he realized the new patron actually intended to eat what he'd been served. He wasn't able to keep him from eating any at all, but Chuck did reach out and snatch the fork away afterward. "For Chaos' sake, boy!! Are you crazy?!"


The android's eyes grew wide in a way not too unlike that of a deer caught in a pair of headlights. His hand stayed in place beside his mouth even after the fork had been taken away, and slowly his eyes drifted toward Chuck's. The persisting bad taste in his mouth aside, the hedgehog's words struck him, and all of a sudden he felt more vulnerable than ever. Crazy? What?! What had he done wrong?! He quickly went over everything in his head. Had he missed something? Was there some sort of mannerism he had forgotten? Maybe he was supposed to take a drink first or something. Was that it?!

The urge to grab the cup and take a sip to 'prove' he was perfectly normal flashed by him. But under the scrutiny of Chuck's gaze he felt momentarily paralyzed. His quills already bristling in panic, he began to shiver.


@sechuck@ Reading the signs of fluster as signs of illness, Chuck leaned past the counter and rattled the android by the shoulders. "Are you okay, kid?? Do you want me to call a doctor?!" After all, who knew what could've been growing on that... thing. For all he knew, this young man may have just ingested ebola.


"L-LET GO of me!" the android squawked, breaking himself free from Chuck's grip and simultaneously falling backwards off the stool. Hitting the pavement with a grunt the pain that shot up his synthetic nerves felt more intense then it probably should have due to lack of experience, and so rather than immediately sitting up, he laid there frozen in place.

"Ow... ow..."


It was then that Tails reappeared, still looking awfully green, but apparently done with his bout of sickness. Trying not to think about what he had just seen, Tails looked around for the weirdo hedgehog, only to discover that he was no longer on a stool. The kit didn't bother to look over the bar and discover that Merce had merely fell off his seat, as he had just finished some awful business and didn't really want to exert himself anymore.

"Where'd he go?" Tails asked as a pang prodded his already unhappy stomach. He looked at Uncle Chuck with concern. "Is he okay?"


@sechuck@ "I don't know," he answered grimly. In some sense he was kicking himself for the prank, but at the same time, who in Chaos' name would actually EAT something like that?! "Kid! If you don't want a doctor, you should at least take something to counter what you just ate!" Maybe we should try to induce vomiting to get rid of it all together...


"D-doctor?!" the android seemed to pale, quickly sitting back up and looking at the elder with wide eyes. "I--what?! N-no! I am fine! Really!" he quickly scrambled to his feet and dusted off, his wide eyes and spread quills clearly showing his rising panic. Holding his hands up defensively he slowly began to back away from the stand.


Tails' eyebrows began an amusing dance of emotions. They reached up and out, then furrowed in before jumping alternately, and finished with a flat bow. On one hand, the fox was amazed and impressed that the hedgehog DID seem fine after ingesting.... whatever it was, but on the other hand he was still very grossed out, and confused as to why this guy looked so panicked. Tails really didn't want him to run off, as to the kit it was likely that Merce would do something to draw attention to Chuck that would get the elderly hedgehog in trouble. His eyes darted about distractedly, trying to think of some way to keep the hedgehog around. Eventually he settled on the idea of praise, hoping that an approval would calm this guy down.

"... Wow." Tails appraised, quickly thinking on his feet. "That's... really cool. You must have the stomach of a hyena or something. Just... don't scare us like that."

The fox stole a quick glance at Uncle Chuck. Stay calm, stay calm... Pretend everything is okay... He hoped, swishing his namesakes in agitation. If the hedgehog bolted, he'd try his best to make things better. Uncle Chuck and the stand meant a lot to the fox, and he wouldn't let a practical joke-gone-wrong be the end of it.


@sechuck@ Chuck cast his would-be nephew an uncertain glance for fleeting moment, but decided to follow his lead regardless. "...Yeah, kid, you really gave us quite a start. An old ticker like mine can't handle so much shock." Cue the forced laugh.

Internally, the hedgehog's stomach had begun to churn. He understood only too well how young boys could think themselves invincible and refuse help, but this was a situation he really couldn't shrug off -- especially having personally been the cause of it. Chuck glanced over his shoulder in the direction of the door to his apartment. Perhaps he should leave Tails to watch the guest while he went to call a doctor anyway?


Well. It seemed as though their tactic was working so far as it kept the fake hedgehog from leaving a trail of dust halfway down the street, however it certainly did nothing to calm his nerves.

"... Scare you?" he looked between the two with genuine confusion. He thought over it for a moment. He... wasn't supposed to eat that stuff?


@sechuck@ The elder hedgehog arched an intrigued eyebrow. It was clear that this boy was very deeply naive of the workings of the world -- or life in general, if he didn't even recognize spoiled food. He obviously had anxiety over medical assistance, as well. With that being the case, he realized, he would have to take matters into his own hands before the situation deteriorated further.

"Let's... not worry about it," Uncle Chuck announced, plastering on his usual bemused smirk. "Sometimes jokes don't always work out they way they're supposed to, and this seems to be one of those times." Snatching a paper cup from the stack, Chuck filled it halfway with cola. Then, turning slightly away from the two boys, the hedgehog produced a small bottle of ipecac syrup from below the counter. I knew it'd pay off eventually to keep this handy, he pondered quietly as he added a generous dollop to the drink.

"In any case," he announced brightly, giving the beverage a good stir with a straw, "I'm sorry my little prank gave everyone such a fright. To apologize, I'd like to offer you one of my specialty drinks, free of charge!"


The apprehensive android shot Chuck a questioning glare. That was... a joke? They tricked him?! Now instead of confusion and anxiety Merce looked agitated. So when he was offered the drink it was quite understandable that he suspiciously looked back and forth between the cup and the elder's face several times. With a final glance they locked themselves permanently onto the cup, and for a long moment that was where they stayed. Were they expecting him to drink this after tricking him like that?!

Frowning, and steeling himself for the second time, he shot another distrusting glare at Chuck before slowly bringing the straw to his lips. They wrapped around, and he took a long and steady draw, thoughtfully rolling the beverage around on his tongue, taking in the foreign flavor before allowing it to slide down his gullet. It tasted a lot better than that other stuff, though the reason why eluded him. 'Sweet' wasn't something he recognized, nor was the fizzy texture that left an odd sort of tingle in his mouth. Overall, though, not bad. For as odd as all of this was to him... maybe he could tolerate it. Maybe.

As long as he wasn't given anymore cow brains.


Apprehensive as he was, Tails was glad that the tenseness had died down significantly. Looking at this guy slooooowly take to the soda wasn't too much of a worry; it seemed that this guy finally realized that Uncle Chuck had a curious sense of humor, and was just taking a grain of salt at what was given to him.

The kit's swishing namesakes had slowed to a leisurely bob, twitching as Tails pondered where exactly this guy was from.

... And also what to call him besides this guy.

"Umm... What's your name?" The fox asked softly, trying not to disturb the hedgehog too much.


Well, no one seemed to be freaking out at him or grabbing things away this time, so apparently this was a good sign. Taking another experimental sip from the cup, he glanced - well, more like unintentionally glared, really - at the twin-tailed kitsune. He really, really didn't want anything to do with him. Especially not after having been embarrassed so badly only moments ago. Well, at least it was only him and that Sonic wasn't around. That would have been truly humiliating.

"... Merce." he grunted.


The kit's ears fell back at the glare and the blunt answer, Tails feeling uncomfortable rather than pleased at learning the hedgehog's name.

"Oh." He said. "My name's Tails." Instead of pressing on with what looked to be a dead conversation, the fox went back to adjusting the innards of his toaster cannon. If Merce didn't want to talk, that was okay. A lot of times he didn't open up to strangers easily either, especially ones who had friends that nearly gave him food poisoning.


@sechuck@ Uncle Chuck, on the other hand, was thinking of more and more to say by the minute. He'd been silent for some time, but all the while had been eying Merce closely, awaiting signs that the ipecac had begun its work.

But there'd been nothing. Surely it had to have started working by now.

This led the older hedgehog to two conclusions: that either his syrup had expired, or there was something very unusual about this boy. A quick check of the bottle debunked the former, which left only one other thing to do.

"Say, Merce," Chuck suddenly called out, flashing a warm smile and waving an arm, "would you mind coming back here for a minute?"


The android tore his eyes away from Tails to eye him warily. "... Why?"


@sechuck@ "I just figured you might be interested in seeing some embarrassing pictures of my nephew," the old hedgehog snickered, heading for the back of the restaurant, "seeing as how you're a newcomer and all."


The android blinked.

His nephew.

Sonic.

The deal was sealed before his rationality could object. Though he found the offer incredibly strange, he was also keenly aware how ignorant he was when it came to social situations. And besides... anything that lead to the humiliation of his organic doppelganger couldn't be bad... right? Of course not.

"Oh... alright," he responded, glancing around for a way to get behind the counter. When no obvious ways presented itself he simply shrugged and hopped over it.


Needless to say, Tails felt the uncomfortable feeling leave once Merce's gaze was drawn elsewhere. He felt like he was being x-rayed or something. His ears perked up at the allusion to Uncle Chuck's legendary photo album. Normally that tactic was used as a very potent and effective distraction for the paparazzi, or keeping Sonic from getting way out of control. Why draw Merce back all of a sudden?

The fox's mouth screwed over to one side as he gently cleaned the parts inside the toaster cannon. Tails fancied to follow the two hedgehogs, but sat firmly; the grumpier hedgehog more deterring than the lure was tempting. What was Chuck up to?


@sechuck@ To the back of the restaurant, through the back door, up the stairs, and into the apartment, Chuck led his young companion the entire way until offering him the first steps into his abode. Once he'd entered, the elder hedgehog lingered at the door, taking special care to close it, set the deadbolt, and secure the door chain.

"There," he announced. "It's just us, and no one else is getting in if we don't want them to." Turning back to the android, Chuck smiled a peculiar sort of smile that somehow retained his air of authority. "Why don't you go ahead and tell me who -- or what -- you really are?"


Ah. There were the alarm bells. Yeah, he probably should have known it was a trick. Funny how his curiosity - and loathing toward Sonic - always seemed to get into him situations like this. Visibly stiffening, his quills once again fraying slightly, he eyed Chuck with a mixed expression.

"I have already said my name is Merce. What sort of question is that?" he asked, doing his best to feign confusion and hoping his expression appropriately matched this. "Obviously I am a hedgehog. Like you."


@sechuck@ "Actually, kiddo," Chuck announced as he flopped into his recliner, "what's obvious to me is that you're not a hedgehog at all." Motioning toward the nearby couch, he added, "Please, by all means, have a seat!"


"Really," Merce wrinkled his nose, swaying his weight more toward the door then the offered seat. "Then what do you think I am?"


@sechuck@ "Intriguing," he simply replied with a smirk.


Merce's brow raised skyward. It was safe to say he hadn't been expecting an answer like that, leaving him dumbfounded and struggling for a good comeback as he opened his mouth and left it hanging there. Then his lips pursed together, and his brow furrowed back into its glare. "Obviously you must have some reason for thinking I am something other than what I am."


@sechuck@ "Several, actually." Pulling the lever at the side of his chair, the hedgehog leaned back while the footrest popped out, folding his hands behind his head in a pose not so unlike his nephew. "First of all, I have a customer that seems completely out of his element with what seems like relatively commonplace items and events. He's so naive, it seems, that he can't even recognize what would be a rather obvious practical joke to anyone else. Rotten food, which ought to have made you violently ill, can be smelled from quite a distance away, let alone spotting it by sight, or worst of all, taste. Upon eating it, you seemed surprised at the alarm that was raised, solidifying the supposition that you really were oblivious to the danger you'd just engaged in.

"From there, you first declined medical assistance, despite the common sense that rotten food can potentially end a life. I then took matters into my own hands and secretly fed you a vomit-inducing agent -- which seems to have had absolutely no effect. Even if I hadn't given you enough to fully induce vomiting, you ought to have least become sick to your stomach."

Sitting up with a snap, Chuck grinned and waved a finger. "This bizarre series of events leads me to believe that you've either got an incomprehensibly different biological make-up, which would suggest you're new to either the planet or dimension; or oppositely, that you simply have no biological make-up, and you're inorganic all together."

The elder man paused, twisting several of the white whiskers of his mustache. "...Well, I suppose you could also be the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, but I'd like to think I'm closer with my other guesses."


As each 'offense' was listed off, Merce stared impassively at the elder and inwardly notes. It seemed his behavior had given him away again, just as it had with Resson... that wasn't good. Especially not here. "This is ridiculous," he frowned. "I have already told you I am a hedgehog."


@sechuck@ Uncle Chuck shrugged. "If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to. Hell, maybe I'm completely off-base and you've just got an iron stomach. But I figured it'd be fair to give you a chance to tell the truth to someone that would believe you, and help you if I'm able." Leaning back in the chair once more, the hedgehog swept a hand toward the doorway. "Otherwise, you're free to leave at any time."


Merce glanced at the door, then back at Chuck, that curl on his snout returning. "Then I will take my leave."

Turning abruptly toward the door he quickly undid the lock and chain. But as his hand bared down on the knob and gave it a twist he... paused. An uncertain expression washed over his face. No. He couldn't just leave it like this. This was Sonic's uncle. This restaurant was basically a gathering place for everyone associated with the hedgehog. What if this old man went blabbing about? His cover was already in danger. The last thing he needed were other people, enemies no less, getting curious about him.

"... Say I were not normal..." Merce began slowly. "What would you do about it?"


@sechuck@ "Probably ask you questions until I exhausted either my own curiosity or your patience." He paused to chuckle. "Whichever came first."


This only caused the android's ever-present frown to deepen. "And of others. What would you tell them?" the way he spoke it almost seemed as though he were implying someone particular.


@sechuck@ "What would you like me to tell them?"


Merce turned, eyeing him critically. "I would appreciate if you kept this to yourself. The last thing I want is for people to be curious about me."


@sechuck@ The elderly hedgehog smirked. "I can keep mum about the topic if you want me to. Although, I'm pretty sure that even if I did happen to blab about it, no one would believe me. I have a reputation for being full of shit."


Tails in the meantime was incredibly busy working on his toaster, at least thankful any distractions were gone during a rather delicate part of the maintenance. He had disconnected the converters that fed energy from the power source to the actual cannon, destabilizing the toaster whilst he meddled within it.

"OH CHAOS NOT AG-!"

Thus, while it most likely came as a sudden surprise to the two indoors, Tails' outburst was completely expected when the cannon overloaded.

Boom.


Merce blinked and calmly looked at the door of whose handle he still grasped. He then glanced back at Chuck, apparently unconcerned. "Is this a common occurrence here?"


@sechuck@ Equally unconcerned, save for his smile cracking a bit wider, Chuck casually said, "Common enough to set your watch by." Gesturing to the couch once more, he added, "You're still welcome to sit, you know, if you're not going to be using that door~"


The android's eyes squinted toward the floor. Something about this guy... intrigued him. He couldn't put his finger on why though. He just seemed... different. Interesting. He was also far too curious about things Merce didn't want to be known, and that made him incredibly uncomfortable. What if his real identity were to get out? What if this old man told Sonic about it?

His eyes slipped close. Of course, just the fact he did have such close contact with Sonic would also make him an excellent person to forge a relationship with... If he could use it to get insight about his rival... perhaps that would make the risk worth it. After all, there was only so much information glorified news reports and biographies could give him.

With a deep simulation of breath, his hand slipped loose from the knob, and he turned to take a seat where the elder had instructed. "... Nothing I say leaves this room."


@sechuck@ "Not a syllable," the older man nodded. "So. My urge is to start pelting you with questions, but I think it'd be a smoother start if you just began by telling me what you're comfortable with."


"I am not comfortable telling you anything," Merce frowned. "But... I will... confirm your suspicion. You are correct in that I am not a hedgehog. I am merely... designed to resemble one."


@sechuck@ "I see..." Examining his guest carefully, Chuck began to rock in his recliner. "Where are you from? Approximately, at least."


"I am native to this dimension, and to this planet. You will have to forgive me if I do not wish to be more specific than that."


@sechuck@ Chuck nodded and twisted his whiskers. "Fair enough. Instead I'll ask how old you are."


Merce shifted uncomfortably, glancing down at the floor. "... I do not like discussing my age," he twisted his mouth to one side. "Let me just say that my story is that I am 16, but that chronologically I am younger than that boy downstairs... and by the standards of my kind... possibly older than you."


@sechuck@ In spite of his deep curiosity, Chuck couldn't help snickering at that answer. "That's quite a complex, but effective, explanation. You have some very clever programming. Looks like all you lack are some common cultural norms."


"So much for my impromptu turing test..." the android sighed. "I do hope you can understand why I am so reluctant to divulge this information. And why I do not want others to be aware." Part of the reason, anyway...


@sechuck@ "Don't feel bad. Someone of my experience and background really isn't a great yardstick for a turing test." Folding his arms behind his spiky head, Chuck added, "And either way, you have as much right to your privacy as anyone else. I'm happy with whatever information I do get."


The android paused, his eyes having seemed to flare slightly. "Would you say that to a toaster?"


@sechuck@ That provoked the northern migration of a bushy brow. "Well.... I... I suppose I might if I were talking to a toaster that were able to talk back?"


Merce glared skeptically at him. "The only reason I am being treated as an equal right now, and not as a mindless object, is due to my synthetic skin. Were I not wearing it I would not even be in consideration of being another person."


@sechuck@ And lo, the other brow joined the first. "Even if you were stripped to gears and bolts, I'd be treating you the same way. You clearly have a mind of your own instead of a script to read; isn't that enough?"


This only caused the android's features to scrunch up tighter. Even though it was pretty clear there was a lot more he wanted to say, he turned away and glared intently down at the floor. "Hmph."


@sechuck@ "...If my floor's somehow offended you, I'm sure it's very, very sorry."


One of the android's brows raised skyward. Lifting his head up he stared at Chuck briefly in confusion. Then he snorted and shook his head. "If you honestly mean that, then I certainly wish there were more people in the world like you."


@sechuck@ Uncle Chuck could only smirk, rocking gently in his recliner. "I know a lot of local mothers that would disagree with that sentiment, but that only makes me that much more pleased to hear it. Normally the idea of me having clones induces an instant migraine."

Apparently shifting into a more serious tone, the hedgehog leaned forward onto his knees and looked his guest in the eyes. "So, Merce, if you don't mind telling me... Are you meant to simulate life only, or do you have other capabilities?"


Again the android was staring at him in confusion. "I am... not designed for combat, if that is what you are asking," he finally said. At least not in this form. "I am... a social experiment. "


@sechuck@ "Social experiment, eh? What sort of data are you looking to collect?"


"... Hrm," Merce's face scrunched up. Partially in irritation, and partially in debate over how much info to divulge... and how much to make up. "I have already said that where it not for my appearance I would not be viewed as anything more than a mindless object," he looked Chuck in the eye. "I am here to disprove that."


@sechuck@ "Funny," the hedgehog smirked, "because it seems to me that I'm the one disproving you."


"Hmph," Merce muttered. "I have had more than enough experience already to know you are not the norm."

He leaned back in his seat, clasping his hands together in his lap and looking up at the ceiling with a contemplative gaze. "For example, recently there was a... highly publicized courtroom involving Dr. Eggman and his creation Metal Sonic. Did you happen to see it?"


@sechuck@ "Indeed, my niece insisted we put it on. I was surprised to see some familiar faces there." Speaking of faces, Chuck's was currently stony and unreadable. "I recall a lot of controversy over the legal status of robots."


You could practically hear the sound of a set of tires screeching to a grinding halt. Merce Stared in blank astonishment at the hedgehog sitting across from him, the current subject pretty much dying where it stood in his mind.


@sechuck@ "What's wrong? Blue screen of death?"


Merce blinked several times. Then resumed staring. Then blinked again.

"... I think I just had a semantic error," he finally answered, placing a hand on the side of his face. "Since when does Sonic have other relatives aside from you?"


A set of footsteps answered the android before anyone else could. Finally fed up with what had occurred earlier, Tails made up his mind to interrupt the two by asking Uncle Chuck a few things. It was entirely by coincidence that the ired fox caught the end of Merce's question.

"I'm his 'lil bro," Tails answered, his eyes shining brightly despite showing obvious discomfort. If one looked at the fox, it would be easy to see why the kit was so disgruntled, and why his eyes looked so stark: His fur was sticking out at odd angles, starting from his midriff; the worst of it trailing to his now pure black and slightly smoking head. The char was so thick it looked as if the kit had been born with a spiky black head.


Merce jolted in his seat at the kit's sudden appearance, turning around and staring at him with a puzzled expression. It was less Tails' appearance and more what he said that confused the android.

"You are a fox." he spoke matter-of-factly.


@sechuck@ "Actually, Tails, you're his cousin," Chuck smirked at the kit. "But that's only on paper. You two may as well be brothers." Then, all joking aside, his expression became more serious. "Did you lock up downstairs before coming up here?"


"Yeah." Tails responded, ignoring Merce's quip about his species, his mouth drawing into an exaggerated line as his eyes closed half-mast.

THEY WERE IGNORING HIS CONDITION ON PURPOSE.


As the two exchanged word the android listened carefully, looking Tails up and down. He seemed... lost in thought, for the moment.


@sechuck@ "Good. The last thing I need is Harper harping on my recipe again."

Still no comment about the kit's blackened features. What, did he expect him to react like this was anything unusual?


Tails' face flatlined even more as Uncle Chuck continued to do... absolutely nothing. Normally he wouldn't be bothered, but this problem with his favorite toy had persisted for some time now, and Merce's presence still made him a little uncomfortable.

"The converters are still backfiring on me." Tails finally complained, some of the char falling off his face as he spoke. "I'm running out of ideas." On a whim, the vulpine wiped his face with an arm, not bothering to ask for a towel. Noticing the soot remains on his limb, Tails made a note to himself to get cleaned up before he left.


Merce's brow arched in an unamused fashion, recalling the toaster the kit had been working on earlier. It might have caught the android's interest sooner were it not for the awkwardness of the situation, as when its casing was removed it became pretty clear it was not a simple kitchen appliance.

"... Did you turn the power off before you destabilized it?" he asked somewhat condescendingly.


Tails was expecting an answer, and at that an answer in the form of a question, but what he didn't expect was for the answer in the form of a question to come from Merce. Tails felt heat creep into his cheeks, though fortunately hidden by his fur and the remaining soot on his face, when he realized that Merce had in fact been paying attention to him.

The kit frowned at Merce's attitude. "I would have if it had an on-off switch." Tails replied kindly, biting his tongue before he could tech-out on the red-eyed hedgehog. The kit knew from experience that his prattling often put people off.


"... You cannot switch off the power output?" the fake hedgehog stared incredulously. "What do you expect to happen then? You may as well be shoving a fork into an electrical socket!"


@sechuck@ Rather than intervene in the situation, Chuck simply kicked back and watched the spectacle unfold. A budding mechanical genius matching wits with a sentient android? He was only sorry he didn't have popcorn. Or a chili dog.


"Which was why I built in the converters; they were suppossed to circumvent the energy until it was used!" Tails glowered, insulted by Merce's insulting prediction of his IQ. "A power switch would have been overloaded with the energy output anyway! The explosion from that would have done a lot more than blacken my face."

"Though I wouldn't expect random people would know that." He then muttered from the corner of his skewed mouth, his fluffy namesakes even fluffier from agitation.


Merce's eyes narrowed, and his nose wrinkled. "Let me see the toaster."


Tails's eyes narrowed, and his nose wrinkled. He wasn't exactly pleased at the thought of handing his shiny awesome toy to some stranger who apparrently thought Tails was a moron and himself an expert on these things. Plus, stranger.

On the flipside, the kit was curious at Merce's interest. If anything, he was different from the usual crowd who just stared incomprehensibly. While he doubted the genius of the hedgehog in front of him, the kinship of interest softened the fox's reluctance to hand over the Toaster Cannon.

After the small pause where the kit filtered the previous thoughts, he reached behind his back and retrieved said toaster from his hammerspace, carefully offering it to Merce.

"Careful not to blast yourself. The fire button's kind of hard to see," He warned the hedgehog. If one knew the kit, they could tell by his twitching, not exactly wagging, tails that he was nervous.


Taking the toaster into his own bizarrely talon-like hands, he gently turned it over, giving a quick visual examination of its exterior, before placing it down on a nearby coffee table. He stretched his hand out toward Tails in a 'gimmie' gesture.

"Give me that magnet you used to open it."


Still looking uncomfortable, Tails handed over the magnet, and took a gander at Merce's hand. Was it just him, or was this guy's hand jointless?


Ignoring the boy's expression, the android set about removing the toaster's casing as he had witnessed Tails do earlier. Somewhere in the back of his mind the idea of how strange and awkward this entire situation was poked at him, but his curiosity and eagerness to show this fox's ignorance overrode that.

That, and he couldn't ignore the small vengeful little voice in the back of his head cheering him on. After being forced to put up with this little brat poking around in his hard drive, he couldn't help but feel smug over seeing the boy squirm over him poking around in what was obviously something important to him. Get your heads out of the gutter.

Carefully the exterior lifted, and Merce leaned forward to peer down into its innards. Obviously a laser cannon. Bizarrely shaped, but a laser cannon none the less. His eyes drifted in search for its power source.

"Ah... a Chaos battery... that would explain it..." he muttered more-so to himself than to the two people around him. It also explained the kit's reluctance. Continuing to study the contraption's innards, he took a few moments to ponder over what was necessary to fix the problem. Idly he found his thoughts drifting to the laser cannon he had in his normal body. He glanced up. "Do you not have a cooling system? If you reroute more of the excess energy from the battery to reduce the temperature you should be able to prevent a critical buildup, placing significantly less strain on the converters."


The fox cocked his ears back in thought as a hand came up to grip his chin, still nervous and needing to think. In all honesty, this hedgehog was turning out to be filled with more surprises than a present from Eggman. Unlike most other tech geeks he had seen, Merce seemed to know what he was doing, and wasn't even asking any questions about the mysterious battery he had used (and created) to power a seemingly normal toaster. Or even why his toaster wasn't one used to toast bread, unless someone liked their bread ash-flavored.

And then came the grand finale: Merce had suggested a solution. A solution that, when run through the kit's head, actually made a lot of sense. He didn't particularly like the idea of using the battery for other things, but the return from adding the cooling system would be far greater than any losses he could conceive. A small smirk pierced the wall of internal monologue and mulling as the kit was reminded of when he failed to install wheels in the Battle Mode of the Tornado II. It reminded him of this event in particular, since he should have thought of a cooling system way beforehand.

As his thinking came to a close, his ears began to draw up, until he looked Merce in the face.

"That... would work, actually. I'm surprised I didn't figure that out myself. I guess I was focusing too much on the alloys," he said, chagrin written all over his face. His face seemed to change like a lurid stream sliding off rocks, responding to constantly changing emotions. Curiosity now blazed in his eyes, along with something that made him smile and not frown about the queries he had.

"Though, I'm even more surprised that you helped so much. I didn't know that anyone else besides Uncle Chuck and GUN knew a lot about the kinds of technology I use in my machines. It's not exactly common yet. You must research a lot." By the end of his praise of Merce, Tails looked as happy and friendly as if he were talking to a good friend. "Thanks!"

... Okay, so Merce was a bit of an oddball with dire need of an attitude adjustment, but what friend of his WASN'T without a few quirks? Tails was starting to hope he'd see this hedgehog more often.


Frowning at the boy's gratitude, something he hadn't quite been expecting, Merce merely shrugged widely and set his gaze over toward Chuck. "Technology is something... very close to me."


@sechuck@ "You might even say it's the core of his very being," Chuck piped in with a wide grin.


Tails grinned. "I guess that makes two of us. I've been studying for more than six years now."


The android puffed slightly, shooting a glare at Chuck. "... I see."


@sechuck@ [Insert gigantic toothy grin here.]


Tails missed the ulterior meaning of the exchange between his surrogate uncle and his new aquaintence, thinking that Uncle Chuck was merely prodding Merce for kicks, as the hedgehog often looked quite grumpy and reactive. Maybe some time away from the bustle of the city would do Merce some good.

"You know..." Tails began, nearly mute from shyness, "If you want, I could show you my workshop over in Mystic Ruins. I've got a lot of projects over there you might like." To be honest, he wasn't expecting Merce to accept. He didn't exactly seem like the social type.


Cue the rising arch of one cobalt eyebrow. While he had had the thought of trying to use Chuck to get insight on Sonic, it hadn't really occurred to him he could also use Tails to similar effect. Sonic's best friend, one of Eggman's biggest rivals...

And someone he was still quite pissed off at.

His brow flattened, two very conflicting emotions suddenly at war within him. On the one hand, there was his disdain and his preference to just kick him in the head, but also... there was that blasted curiosity of his again. When would he ever get another chance to see the inside of Tails' workshop by invitation? Hrm.

Oh, not to mention that grin Chuck was wearing and his interest in him was making him incredibly uncomfortable.

After a moment of consideration his eyes finally drifted down toward the floor. "Would... Sonic be there?"


Tails gave a noncommitical shrug. Looking at Merce, he (thought he) could tell why the hedgehog seemed reluctant to meet Sonic. They looked almost like twins. "I hope not. He's not there often, but you never know," the kit replied.


"You... hope not?" Merce asked skeptically, the spikes on his head shifting to one side as he gave his head a confused tilt.


Tails blushed ruefully. It was a big surprise to the outside world whenever someone found out that, hey, guess what- he didn't follow Sonic around like a damn puppy. Used to, yes, but it wasn't quite the case anymore. He was more independent now. Seeing someone react to that news always made him feel funny.

"He's a danger magnet; half the time I hope my workshop doesn't blow up. He's made the chili stand explode probably a dozen times already." Tails explained. Not to mention, Sonic's pretty overwhelming. Even I had a tough time, back years ago.


Not exactly expecting that reply, the android's eyes slipped closed, turning his head away and snorting. What the kit said was oddly... amusing? Was that the right word?

"It would appear he is."


@sechuck@ "You boys have no idea. I'm just glad I don't have to worry about him wetting the bed anymore." Rising to his feet, with several joint creaks to accompany it, Chuck's eyes drifted from fox to android. "Does that mean you two are going to be leaving me to loneliness and senility?"


Tails snerked at Uncle Chuck, amused by the response.

"Don't worry, I'm sure someone will come by and tell you the zombie apocolypse began before we all get our brains eaten." The kit replied. Of course, he didn't move for his plane up on the roof/landing pad quite yet; he had yet to hear Merce give a direct answer, and he was quickly learning that the hedgehog moved at his own tempo, like Sonic, but far, far slower and more cautious.

The kit's eyes left Chuck and settled on Merce, hoping the hedgehog would agree to come. He never got to show off his workshop like this!


With his arms laced across his chest, the android hedgehog continued his ever-present frown, his gaze cast down at the floor in thought as he realized Tails was still waiting for his answer. Hrm, how awkward. And potentially reckless. But still... as long as Sonic wasn't around...

"... Very well."


In less than a second, a wide grin spread itself across the kit's muzzle. Within two, the kit had quickly collected his toaster, assembled it, and replaced it in his hammerspace.

"Alright! Come on, my plane's on the roof. We'll fly there." Tails exclaimed, bounding up and away in the complex. There was a slight pause, before the fox's head reappeared, looking at Chuck, before an arm and hand appeared to wave at him. "Oh. Bye Uncle Chuck! I'll see you later!" Then poof.

Excitable much?


@sechuck@ The old hedgehog couldn't hold back his smirk as his adopted child scurried off in a flurry of glee. It always satisfied him to see the children in his life happy.

And, more recently, the robots too. Chuck slapped Merce on the back of his left shoulder. "Don't look so reluctant. Tails is a good kid. You two should have lots to talk about." Giving a casual wave over his shoulder, he added, "I should probably go open up the stand again; there's probably a rabid crowd of moochers waiting outside that stampede the counter and from a crush before I can even get the gate all the way up. Imagine the death count!" His bemused snickering floated up the stairs in his wake once he'd disappeared from view.[/quote]